Thursday, September 1, 2011

There's Freedom in Release

I recently notice a friend's facebook status update "There's freedom in release...".  This friend has a child with special needs and although she didn't specify the situation my mind could only imagine the different possible things that she may have had to let go...dreams, expectations, a fight for inclusion, or maybe it was not even related to her child but something personal.  Whatever the situation, her update made me think specifically of the dreams and desires for my child I've had to release.  I have to let them go (kicking and screaming) and start revealing in the possibilities.  

Grace has been taking piano lessons since last October.  Because of the affects of cerebral palsy in her upper body, her arms, hands, and fingers are affected.  Not severely, but her movement is limited.  I had been searching for something that she could get involved in...something that was not therapy related.  We have a piano (I play), she loves music...then piano it is.  I had this vision of her walking up to the piano and changing people perceptions they had formed of her because she has CP as she begins to play beautiful music.  (Honestly I don't know if this would be her dream) She has enjoyed her classes which have mainly been learning music theory. She has yet to play anything recognizable or even play using her entire hand.  We had taken the summer off from piano lessons and I had decided to start up again.  This time she and Sophia would be taking from the same teacher, back to back lessons.

As I sat through her lesson this week, as hard as I fought it, I realized that this was not the time, and it may never be the time for her to take piano lessons.  It's just to hard right now.  She can tell you the beats to each note and tell you what a treble clef looks like, but she can't make her hands move along the keyboard.  It has also become more difficult as I watch Sophia excel and Grace barely able to peck out middle C.  So as I drove home from piano lessons, near tears, I let it go...we would take Grace out of piano lessons.  Now this doesn't mean she can't try again later but for now this is not her best use of time or our best use of resources for her.

I've struggled with the decision but it's finally made and there's freedom in release.  I'm letting go of this dream...for now.


Jack Jack said...

her voice is so strong... she will excel in so many things... it will just take her a bit longer. But she already excels in the most important things... love, patience, compassion and grace.

Shasta said...

That's beautiful, thank you for this.

GreenGirl said...

Grace has a beautiful voice! This may or may not be what you want to hear but I would not give up on the piano lessons yet! It took putting Claudia in a really supportive chair and lots of patience from a music therapy teacher but it has been the best OT for Claudia!! I have a video of Claudia playing and it really is amazing what she can do, and I think Grace could too. Please let me know if it would be helpful for you and Grace. We have also rewritten sheet music for Claudia so that her left hand can be the lead. I would be happy to share with you.
What a beautiful little singer!!

BusyLizzyMom said...

I know the feeling you just want something that Grace will excel at and help her to feel good about herself. Something that she can do on her own and use an outlet.
This summer I see so many of Elizabeth's friends riding their bikes and swimming independently and Elizabeth despite all her hard work struggles. We have not found anything yet that she can do without some sort of difficulty and I can't remember when I stopped looking but at sometime I did. For now just seeing her happy and playing with some friends is all we need. I think Elizabeth's positive nature and kind heartedness will be her best asset.

K said...

It sounds like you have made a good decision. I, too, have a daughter with some special needs and I have recently had a big release that has made us both happier. You have so much more to do with Grace post-op that when the time is right, she can resume her piano lessons, or voice lessons or something else entirely.

I've never heard of this surgery before and thank you for posting the link so that I could learn more about it.

Jo said...

I love her voice!! She is such a blessing and God has HUGE plans for her. You are brave to try new things and I cheer you as a mom.

Did I tell you about the PhD that wheeled over to our camp site in Yellowstone this summer and introduced herself. She talked to AShley and gave her a tour of her custom van and told her she could drive one day if she wanted to. She's married with kids. She was such a blessing. I just thought, why am I SO worried about each and every day, when God is in control and loves Ashley more than I do. I just wish I could remember that feeling more often. Thanks for the reminder to release.

Jenna said...

My name is Jenna and i came across your site. Your daughter, is an amazing, courageous,strong and determined fighter. She is a brave warrior smilen champ and an inspirational. If she likes piano, and enjoys it, I know she will excell in it, or in what ever she chooses to do, it just may take her longer to learn like it doese me. I was born with a rare life threatening disease, and developmental delays. I love it when people sign my guestbook.