Thursday, September 1, 2011

There's Freedom in Release

I recently notice a friend's facebook status update "There's freedom in release...".  This friend has a child with special needs and although she didn't specify the situation my mind could only imagine the different possible things that she may have had to let go...dreams, expectations, a fight for inclusion, or maybe it was not even related to her child but something personal.  Whatever the situation, her update made me think specifically of the dreams and desires for my child I've had to release.  I have to let them go (kicking and screaming) and start revealing in the possibilities.  

Grace has been taking piano lessons since last October.  Because of the affects of cerebral palsy in her upper body, her arms, hands, and fingers are affected.  Not severely, but her movement is limited.  I had been searching for something that she could get involved in...something that was not therapy related.  We have a piano (I play), she loves music...then piano it is.  I had this vision of her walking up to the piano and changing people perceptions they had formed of her because she has CP as she begins to play beautiful music.  (Honestly I don't know if this would be her dream) She has enjoyed her classes which have mainly been learning music theory. She has yet to play anything recognizable or even play using her entire hand.  We had taken the summer off from piano lessons and I had decided to start up again.  This time she and Sophia would be taking from the same teacher, back to back lessons.

As I sat through her lesson this week, as hard as I fought it, I realized that this was not the time, and it may never be the time for her to take piano lessons.  It's just to hard right now.  She can tell you the beats to each note and tell you what a treble clef looks like, but she can't make her hands move along the keyboard.  It has also become more difficult as I watch Sophia excel and Grace barely able to peck out middle C.  So as I drove home from piano lessons, near tears, I let it go...we would take Grace out of piano lessons.  Now this doesn't mean she can't try again later but for now this is not her best use of time or our best use of resources for her.

I've struggled with the decision but it's finally made and there's freedom in release.  I'm letting go of this dream...for now.