Saturday, May 17, 2008

Springtime Blues

Today was beautiful! Abe played with the kids outside most of the day while I tried to organize our lives and then some friends came over for a cookout. We sat outside and talked about summer...swimming, playing outside, etc. I thought about soccer, gymnastics, playgrounds. It made me melancholy. What will summer look like for Grace? As she grows her differences and limitations are only more apparent. A mother in my cpmoms group sent this out on Mother's Day. I had to read it again today. I'm not saying I'm a wonder, I'm saying I'm different and today I have the blues.

Happy Mother's Day
By Lori Borgman (Lori Borgman is a syndicated columnist and author
of All Stressed Up and No Place To Go, her latest humor book now
available wherever books are sold.)

Expectant mothers waiting for a newborn's arrival say they don't care what sex the baby is. They just want to have ten fingers and ten toes. Mothers lie. Every mother wants so much more. She wants a perfectly healthy baby with a round head, rosebud lips, button nose, beautiful eyes and satin skin. She wants a baby so gorgeous that people will pity the Gerber baby for being flat-out ugly. She wants a baby that will roll over, sit up and take those first steps right on schedule (according to the baby development chart on page 57, column two). Every mother wants a baby that can see, hear, run, jump and fire neurons by the billions. She wants a kid that can smack the ball out of the park and do toe points that are the envy of the entire ballet class. Call it greed if you want, but a mother wants what a mother wants. Some mothers get babies with something more. Maybe you're one who got a baby with a condition you couldn't pronounce, a spine that didn't fuse, a missing chromosome or a palate that didn't close. The doctor's words took your breath away. It was just like the time at recess in the fourth grade when you didn't see the kick ball coming, and it knocked the wind right out of you. Some of you left the hospital with a healthy bundle, then, months, even years later, took him in for a routine visit, or scheduled him for a checkup, and crashed head first into a brick wall as you bore the brunt of devastating news. It didn't seem possible. That didn't run in your family. Could this really be happening in your lifetime? There' s no such thing as a perfect body. Everybody will bear something at some time or another. Maybe the affliction will be apparent to curious eyes, or maybe it will be unseen, quietly treated with trips to the doctor, therapy or surgery. Mothers of children with disabilities live the limitations with them. Frankly, I don't know how you do it. Sometimes you mothers scare me. How you lift that kid in and out of the wheelchair twenty times a day. How you monitor tests, track medications, and serve as the gatekeeper to a hundred specialists yammering in your ear. I wonder how you endure the cliches and the platitudes, the well-intentioned souls explaining how God is at work when you've occasionally questioned if God is on strike. I even wonder how you endure schmaltzy essays like this one - saluting you, painting you as hero and saint, when you know you're ordinary. You snap, you bark, you bite. You didn't volunteer for this, you didn't jump up and down in the motherhood line yelling, "Choose me, God. Choose me! I've got what it takes." You're a woman who doesn't have time to step back and put things in perspective, so let me do it for you. From where I sit, you're way ahead of the pack. You've developed the strength of the draft horse while holding on to the delicacy of a daffodil. You have a heart that melts like chocolate in a glove box in July, counter- balanced against the stubbornness of an Ozark mule. You are the mother, advocate and protector of a child with a disability. You're a neighbor, a friend, a woman I pass at church and my sister-in-law. You're a wonder.


AZ Chapman said...

Hay Jac

I feel y pain I had to stop playing soccer this year even though I love it in the fall. Why not try swimming lesson (adapted for grace ) or playing at the beach. I think Grace can have a great summer as long as adults around her use creativity to help her do it.

Jackie said...

I'm sorry you are blue; You have an over-whelming job and you are damn good at it. But I must tell you that even though Gracie has some limitations, giving & receiving love are not among them. When I am with her, I see past her physicial limitations as she reveals my own emotional & relational flaws. When she touches my face with both hands and says "I kiss you"... for just a moment my sky is brighter & my worries are smaller. And I am blessed. love, J

Jen said...

Okay, now I am crying...what a wonderful article. And Yes you are a WONDER!!! I admire you everyday, I dont' know how you do it!!

Patyrish said...

My sister sent this to me about a year after Makily was born.

I almost couldnt read all of it through my SOBS. It couldnt be more accurate about the way I felt/feel about my baby girl.