When Abe and I were thinking of starting a family we discussed the possibility of having a child with special needs and what that would look like. We only had the conversation once because, well, it would never really happen. And of course, we said and we meant, we would that child endlessly no matter what.
So why the questioning lately? I really try not to go there. It is not constructive and as the saying goes, "comparison is the thief or joy", and so are regrets. But I have to admit I have been thinking...what if Grace could walk? What if we didn't have to spend so much time and money on therapies and equipment? What if our lives were typical?
I know these feelings will pass and that I will be able to focus more on the gifts and joy that Grace brings to our lives but for now...today...what might have been?
The picture above is Grace at intensive therapy with her wonderful therapist Lissa, one of the joys in our lives.
5 comments:
there are no words...
Jacolyn,
I'm so proud of you. I too was pondering the tough things of life today, but you are enduring one of the toughest--and most beautiful.
I love you and I'm praying for you and your amazing family.
Cuz Chana
I'd have missed a lifetime of experience with my kids. I treasure each of them so much more. But it would be nice to go out once in awhile and be driving a car younger than them.....at least it's youger than I!
Blessings,
Jo
Jac,
I wrote a blog post once titled "Being a Mom is NOT the Best Job I've Ever Had" because I was tired of hearing moms say this, especially moms with children who are sailing through life without so much as a bump in the road. But I never posted it because I was worried what other people would think. There are so many times when I want to run away from home. If moms were more honest, like you, we'd be able to support each other better. The truth is that you are doing the right things even when you don't want to. If more people did that, the world would be a happier place. You are a beautiful mother and a beautiful person (even when you don't want to be!).
It's hard not to think about the "what if's and if only's"
It took me a long time to not be consumed by them and to wonder what life might have been like, for me, my family and of course more for my daughter.
It's only healthy for mind and soul to feel this way every now and then!
Great post!
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