Thursday, February 5, 2009

Friends to the End?

There has been some discussions in the past in some of my virtual and face-to-face support groups about the dynamics of friendships and how they may change after you have a child with special needs (SN).  These friendships may not survive, potentially due to...

1)  friend no longer knows how to relate to SN mom
2) friend hurts SN mom's feelings by saying something about SN child
3)  SN mom neglects friendship because is too tired...emotionally and physically 
4)  friend can't deal with the situation and neglects friendship or simply breaks up with SN mom
5)  SN mom hurts friend's feelings about non-SN child
6)  SN mom finds it difficult to hang out with non-SN friends
7)  SN mom can actually get pretty lonely sometimes
8)  and others that I have forgotten

I never really participated in these discussions because I didn't think this could really happen to my friendships.  Well, the fact of the matter is...things change....1-8 do happen.  Now, I'm not blaming any rifts or breaks in friendships on the other party and for the most part I believe my strongest friendships are in tact but some have changed.  It's inevitable.  I think any life change could affect a friendship.

I want to apologize to all those I have neglected, because I know I have.  But no matter what, I'll always love you and I will try my best.

A friend loves at all time....    Prov. 17:17


Jackie said...

I'll be your friend til the end. love, JJ

BusyLizzyMom said...

We have lost some of our best longstanding friends due to the fact that our lives have changed. It was a messy 'break-up' but I no
longer had the energy to keep everybody happy. I am sure they were tired of hearing about our daily trials and tribulations but that unfortunately is our life. Along the way we have met some new friends who understand our bad days some of them are near and some far but they are the ones I can talk openly to.

Anonymous said...

For where your treasure is, there will your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21

I treasure our friendship and love you with my heart. Life happens and as with any relationship you have to invest in it for it to grow and take root. These are lean times Jac and you don't have alot to give.....sometimes extra grace is required. Not only from others but from ourselves.

I love you.

Anonymous said...

Dear Jac,
You're my sweetheart.

Justinich Family said...

I have had the same things happen, mainly friendships changing and mainly due to me and not the other person, but the other person has said things that hurt me but not meaning to at all. I have a great face to face group of SN Moms that I talk with about all the SN stuff and the other friends I do not go into too much detail and try to focus on other things. It really bothered me in the beginning that my friend could not relate to what I was dealing with regarding Evan, but since I have realized she has no idea because she is not going through it and that is fine.