Thursday, July 30, 2009

Awakenings

Last night I had a very strange dream. Somehow...I think is was some type of medication...all the children I know with cerebral palsy stood up and started dancing, speaking, and moving around as a typical child would. Everyone was so happy and celebrating. Then one by one the symptoms of cp started coming back. Children started falling down, they began losing use of their arms and legs...many stopped signing or speaking. You could see the sadness on the faces as they started to realize that things would go back to the way they were before. It was devastating to everyone.

The dream reminded me of the movie Awakenings with Robin Williams and Robert DeNiro. In this movie patients who have been comatose for many years are suddenly "awakened" by a drug, only to fall back into a comatose state after a short period of time. They know that it is happening and that is the saddest part.

I was thinking about what this dream means. I think I have REALLY finally realized...had my own awakening...that there is no miracle cure for cerebral palsy. No matter how many therapies and procedures we do, Grace will always have cerebral palsy. I DO believe that she will continue to improve and maybe eventually walk, but she will always have special needs and will appear so to everyone. But I also REALLY know that she will always be special in many other ways...not just because of her disability.

9 comments:

Katy said...

Man, this is some deep stuff. You are right, of course. I would Love for Charlie to walk or talk, but any achievement we make won't be at the flip of a switch.

Kat said...

And despite not walking, or crawling, or in some instances, speaking; despite the sadness when they realize they are "not like the others", eventually comes a peace and thrill from knowing they were chosen to be different for a reason; I believe with my whole heart that Grace was put on this earth to bless those who can only think of their own, self-centered despair.... And give them hope. I believe that is why I am blessed to know and love her.

Jackie said...

you may be right... but I don't like it. There is one thing I've learned being around Gracie... kids with special needs are SPECIAL. She has an angelic quality that you don't see in children without disabilities. and I am blessed for it.

I love them all...

therextras said...

That movie poses some gripping thoughts, eh? The physician in the movie is Sachs, I think - has many books about the mind and neurology that are interesting.

You sound comfortable with your 'awakening' - I hope that is how you feel.
Barbara

Jo said...

Grace is doing GREAT. Congrats on the getting to sit and sitting long leg! She looks terrific. Ashley's still pretty far behind, and I think they are both going to be fine--As long as they're independant and do well in school. They're NOT going backwards so they just keep getting better. But you're right, they are very special and always will be having gone through what they've been through.

twinmama said...

This is such a profound moment to experience. I definitely have my days where I feel a sense of acceptance and peace, and then other times where it's much less so. It will never be easy to realize that our beautiful girls have this horrible condition. But maybe, like all grief, it will become less intense as time goes on and they move successfully through different challenges in their lives. What Grace (and Hannah) can't do will not define them. It will be a part of who they are, but definitely not ALL of who they are. They are SO much more than this thing they have that makes it harder for them to move than other people.

Thinking of you!

BusyLizzyMom said...

We are coming to that phase of when to stop and to enjoy Elizabeth for all that she has to offer. Her new neurologist thinks she is a candidate for a type of brain surgery/implant that will improve her walking/speech. We have done as much as we can to improve Elizabeth's walking but brain surgery has huge risks. I think we need to give Elizabeth the message that she is okay the way she is and if there comes a time when she wants things to be different then we can let her choose what she wants.
Our children will have their own talents it may not be ballet or soccer but they will shine on their own way.

Kasey Gray said...

Jacolyn, hi! How is Grace doing? Thanks for your comment on my new blog. How is everything in Dallas? I miss those kiddos!

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