Just Another Weird Dream.

A few nights ago I had a very unsettling dream.  Actually I have quite a few of those.  In this dream I was alone with my children and had to find a new place to live.  As I am searching for a new home, I notice I only have Mack and Sophia with me.  Grace was not there.  We look at several places always keeping in mind that we had special circumstances and needed accessibility.  But Grace was not there.

I then realize that I have left Grace at home all alone.  We get home and Grace is there.  She's okay and has managed to work her way across the floor.  Why did I leave her?  Why was I looking for a new place to live?

I told a friend, who knows me really well, about this dream.  She said that it included many of my fears...being alone and leaving Grace alone and not having anyone to care for her.  What do you think?  I hate these dreams.

My Status

My kids are now 5 years old.  My 5 year old daughter was diagnosed with cerebral palsy at about 18 months of age...3 1/2 years ago.  In those 3 1/2 years there have been tears but more than that, there has been a focus to help my daughter any way I could.  Therefore, the drive outweighed, and more times than not. overcame the tears and weariness.  I felt and appeared strong.  I was focused.  I was capable.   I was ready for anything.

What has happened over the past month...........
The tears come more readily and I often have to fight them off in public.
It takes me longer to make phone calls to find specialists, therapists, doctors, etc.
I don't all friends back.
I don't want to help with sit-ups and bridges...her many exercises.
I don't feel strong.  I just feel tired.  I feel weary.  I don't want to smile through it all.  I want to scream "my daughter has a disability and I don't know what to do anymore."

What is going to happen?

It will all come back...the drive, the focus, the answers.  I know...I hope.  But for now...I'll just get by and ask my Father for a lot of help.