Some Good Nappin'

Naps are few and far between at my house for anyone but the kids. We were able to snag a few at Abe's parent's house. So did Uncle Russell and Grandpa, although I don't know how they slept through all the stories and laughter. I have much more for later but I have to pack for Part Two of our Christmas Vacation.

Grief

It's Christmas. The presents have been opened and everyone is taking a nap before we go to Abe's grandmother's house. We are in Boerne at Abe's parents'. As everyone naps I gather up the many toys and presents. It has been a good Christmas...why am I so melancholy? What am I sad?

About a month ago Billie wrote about Grieving in her blog. She writes about it so beautifully and much more eloquently than I ever could but I want to talk about my grief and sense of loss.

Grief
Does it ever go away? Do you ever fully recover from the loss? Some days are much better than others but it is always there with me. Our losses may be different but the pain still lingers...for many of us anyway. I have experienced two very different kinds of loss in my life. The tragic death of my father and Grace's CP diagnosis.

My grief over the loss of father includes a longing for him to be here with us, a longing for him to see his triplet grandchildren. He so would have gotten a kick out of watching Mack play with his new remote control car. My grief also takes on a lot of "should haves". I should have said "I love you" more. I should have spent more time with him. I should have gotten to know him better. Dad, you are missed.

Then there's Grace. No, I haven't lost my little girl but I have lost the dreams I had for her. The dreams of a normal little girl, who can take dance lessons, do a somersault, play soccer rather than deal with people staring and talking about her. I'm sure that she will even be made fun of on the playground.

As I picked up the new toys and look at the new playhouse Abe's parents gave the triplets, I wonder...will she ever be able to walk into the playhouse by herself? Or will she simply watch and laugh as her sister and brother play peek-a-boo from the windows. She loves to watch them chase each other and giggles with delight. Will she ever be in the middle of those games? Please God, I hope so. It breaks my heart to see her watching from the sidelines.

So, you see I'm sad today.

I've Got Nuthin'

I haven't posted in a few days and it will be a least a week before I'm back. Right now I'm tired and grumpy and I've got nuthin! So how'd you like that?!

Seriously...Merry Christmas everyone.

Christmas Babies

Two years ago Kathryn and I spent all afternoon trying to get a decent photo of the trio for Christmas cards. The babies had only been home for about a month and they were still so tiny, although Mack looks huge next to his sisters. I can't believe that was two years ago!!

Will I Ever Learn?

Mack is just tall enough now, on his tippy toes, to reach things on the kitchen counter. I try to remember to make sure things that I don't want him to get are pushed back far enough out of his reach. However, sometimes I forget.

I start getting stressed out about MDO the night before. I'm not stressed about the kids being at MDO...I'm stressed about all the preparation to get them there. To help alleviate some of my anxiety, I typically prepare the kids' lunch the night before. Many times I fix macaroni and cheese. The teachers have requested I bring this often, because if Mack doesn't have his own mac and cheese, he will take it from some other child (it is one of his favorite things). So, Monday night I prepared the mac and cheese, divided into three bowls and left it on the counter to cool before putting it in the fridge. I haven't learned yet...I did not leave the bowls out of Mack's reach and he decided he needed a "nack" (snack) before bed. Not only did he need a snack put wanted to divided into as many bowls as possible. Sophie decided to help. I have to get them a play kitchen. They love to "cook".

Oh Those &*^% Binkies!

And I'm not talking about the binky which is film sound slang for a mixing top sheet, indicating the layout and content of pre-mixes. (random, I know, but hey you learned something ;) I'm talking about the pacifiers, nubbies, soothers, whatever you may call them, that my kids just can't seem to give up; and I'm forever looking for. I swear I have bought a million of these things but can't ever seem to find them when one of kids if jonesing for one. I think the binkies are ganging up with the girls' hairbows and the kids' socks and are all hiding together somewhere waiting for a chance to join our stuffed animal collection in a take-over.

I know, you are thinking...just take them away and don't give them back. I'm just not up for the battle right now. Maybe it will be a New Year's resolution...along with potty training and losing 10 pounds. All very painful.

In my perfect world, I invisioned my kids would never have binkies. But they would also never throw food or hit their sister either and always think their mommy is a genius. And, well, it's not a perfect world. If you wear a Santa hat with your binky it's not so bad.

You Are Wonderfully Made

I was recently told the neatest story about a little girl who has Cerebral Palsy. (this is a friend of a friend story) This little girl was in a mainstream school with mostly neuro-typical children. She was a normal little girl except for her physical limitations resulting from CP. One day, while on the playground, a little boy started walking in front of her in a funny manner trying to imitate the little girl's gait. She immediately stopped him and said "You aren't doing it right! If you are going to imitate me, then you have to do it right. Now watch me." She then proceeded to walk around. The boy and little girl became very good friends after that.

This story really touched me. What a brave little girl! What a confident little girl. It may also have been her way of saying, "If you really take the time to get to know me, there is a lot more to me than you see."

Oh how I hope and pray I can instill this kind of confidence in my little girl. I want her to know who she is. I want her to know that walking (or not walking) differently or talking differently does not make her any less inside. I want her to know she is a child of God and no less precious in His site. I also hope and pray that others will take the time to get to know my Gracie. They may come to discover that she's smart and funny and caring. I love my little Gracie and her crazy hair.

Psalm 139:14
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.

Update on Sick Kids

So, this morning I decided there would be very little TV or video watching. I put some Christmas music on, turned on the tree lights, got the Santa hats out and did some exercises with Grace. We then started to practice walking with the reverse walker. Everyone has to help, so it is quite an ordeal. We had only been going a few minutes when I turned around to wipe a nose (they are all freely running) and Grace falls. As I am comforting her while she is crying, Sophie comes over to hug her and looks up at me sadly and says softly "Elmo?". So now they are all sitting in front of the TV watching Elmo. God bless Elmo.

Pics of My Sick Kids

Today was a pajama day. We changed out of pajamas into clean pajamas and pretty much watched videos all day when not sleeping or doing breathing treatments. When I asked what video they wanted to watch, Grace said "Wiggles", Mack said "Bob" and Sophie requested "Elmo", so we also had a day of learning to be patient and taking turns. No one will eat which is driving me crazy. Grace and Sophie are still too skinny. Anyway, they're still cute when they're sick...or at least I think so.

My Sick Kids

Today was one of those days that brought back many memories that seem so long ago at times. Today I sat on the sofa pretty much all day holding my trio. The memories I mentioned are of those days after the babies (FINALLY) came home and it seemed like all we did was sit on the sofa and feed babies.

Well, all three of my toddlers are sick. I'm so glad I took them to see the Pediatrician today as both girls have ear infections and possible RSV while Mack is on the verge of being really sick as well. So we are on antibiotics and breathing treatments and little sleep. There was no Conductive Education this week, no Kindermusik today and there will be no MDO on Friday. UGGHHH, gotta go, I think we're out of Kleenex!

Thanks Beth for helping me hold babies today. I couldn't have made it without you!

Kurt or Dorothy?

I've gotten a lot of comments about Mack's new hair cut. Mostly positive, but a few negative. I have been told he looks like Kurt Von Trapp (from the Sound of Music) and one really mean person ;) said he looks like Dorothy Hamill. What do you think?

HA HA HA

I'm sorry if I offended anyone with yesterday's post. Apparently Ho Ho Ho is not always appropriate (check it out) Give me a break!!! I'm actually surprised this hasn't happened in the U.S.