There is nothing like a trip to the park to make me feel isolated...alone...different.
There is a nice little park with a great toddler playground near our house. We go there often. I like going early in the morning, right after breakfast, because there are not many other people there...we are many times by ourselves when we first get there. This morning we had the place to ourselves for a little while and then another mother with a typically developing child arrived. We chat...about kids, about UT (her dog's name is Major, my son's name is Mack...Major Applewhite, Mack Brown, etc). Grace is in the swing, Mack and Sophie are on the slide. Everything seems normal, until Grace wants out of the swing and wants to walk the stairs. I like it when she wants to walk the stairs...it's a great exercise for her. I have to hold her. We walk up and down the stairs many times. The conversation wanes. Another mom and "normal" child arrive. We all chat. Then Grace wants her walker. (Yes, I can get the triple stroller, the walker and my coffee to the park all by myself...I'm good :) The moms with the normal kids talk amongst themselves. As Grace and I pass by with the walker I hear..."There is this girl at Kindermusik who is 14 months and can't walk yet..." I begin to hate them. I want to be normal. I want to be talking with other moms while my kids are running around. I don't want them to avoid watching Grace. I want them to ask about her. I want to be included.
I started thinking about the times Graces is in CE. We go everyday during camp times. I am around people like us. I seem to be able to avoid depression. I'm not alone.
I hate the park sometimes.