Time to Dance

Monday was Sophia's first day of dance lessons. I know this is not that big of a deal...most little girls take dance lessons at one time or another, but it was a really big deal to me. You see, when I gave birth to my two beautiful twin daughters, I envisioned two little girls in tutus...two dancers. The thought of leaving Grace behind crushed me.

At first, I searched and searched for a dance class that would include Grace. Whether she would be helped by me or someone else, I wanted her to be included. We spend so much time, energy and money on Grace's therapies, it just seemed to make sense that she would be included in this. I didn't want her to be left out of the "fun stuff".

I have finally come to the realization that although Grace and Sophia look identical, and not considering the fact the Grace has cerebral palsy, they are not identical. They are two separate individuals with two separate journeys...and no one should be left behind. So...Sophia loves to dance and she is now in a dance class. It is our afternoon...time that just Sophia and I get to be together, just the two of us. I love this time...and I love my girls.

Grace has of course, been saying "Mommy I want to go to dance lessons" and I tell her "Grace there will be time for that later"...and there will be. I plan on starting her in the Fall.

Time and Attention

Today was beautiful. We played outside with some neighborhood friends. We live on such a great street. There are some wonderful families and it is always so much fun. We rode bicycles and tricycles, wrote with chalk on the sidewalk, played hide-and-go-seek and just hung out with our friends. When it was finally time to go in, we gathered, bikes, chalk, blankets and left-over snacks and went inside to prepare for dinner. I placed Grace on the front steps as I was getting everything inside. She sat there quietly waiting to be walked inside but I noticed after a few minutes how she was trying to inch herself over so she could pull the leaves on the hedges that poked through the railing on the steps. I watched as she leaned as far as she could, catching herself if she started to fall. Mack and Sophie helped gather our items and talked about dinner as we made plans. I wondered if she felt left out. Did she feel sad that we were all running about and she was left alone on the steps? Did she mind this or was her only focus on how many leaves she could grab. Should I do things differently? Should I have helped her picked up the toys/cups/bicycle helmets and then help her walk inside and place them in there respective places? Should I slow down and payed more attention? There seems to never be enough time or attention....

Wordless Wednesday

Lil' Mack Freestylin"

Grace got a cool keyboard for Christmas (thanks Jerry and Neville..it's hit) with a mic. Mack is quite the rapper. Listen to the words...there is a good message.

Wordless Wednesday

Bad Dreams

Last night, around 11:00, Grace woke up crying and screaming. It's pretty normal for her to wake up a few times each night but this sounded different. I went in and picked her up, trying to console her. She was crying and would not open her eyes or respond to my questions. It seemed that she was having a bad dream and couldn't wake up. I took her in my room and held her until she calmed...she never opened her eyes. Was it a bad dream? What was it about? Does she dream the same as my other two children? When she dreams, do her nightmares include her physical limitations and her inability to move the way she wants? Will this become a part of her nightmares as she gets older? I know it is part of mine....

Hey! You're Just Like Me!

Earlier today I was at Central Market gathering a few items for our impromptu, kid-friendly New Year's Eve shin-dig at our house. As I was preparing to pay I noticed the woman and child behind me in line. The child was in a stroller and may have been about 7 or 8 years old. The little girl appeared to have cerebral palsy and was asking her mother in an affected voice to hurry up. I immediately wanted to bond with this woman and her daughter. I longed to run up, hug them both and tell them that I also had a daughter with cerebral palsy...that I was just like them...that my daughter, who is old enough to walk, may never...that we get curious looks while at the grocery store...that we are trying to get by the best that we can.

I was afraid that this may have come across as rude or intrusive, so I didn't say anything. On my way out the door, I looked back and almost went back but didn't. Should I have? How would you feel?

Ice Skating Princess

Kat Kat decided she wanted to do something special with each one of the triplets on their own. She took Mack to see the trains at North Park and took Sophie ice skating (Grace gets her trip later). To my surprise, Sophie picked ice skating for her trip. We have never been and I'm not sure how she knows about it but that's what she wanted to do. I was very excited for her but a bit sad...someone else would get to do this with her first. I guess I feel guilty that I don't spend more one-on-one time with each child. Grace gets her one-on-one time through therapies only and the other two just don't get any. I'm so thankful for Kat...we are so blessed to have her in our lives but I really need to start being a better mommy...I need to start spending time alone with each...just how do I do it...I feel I am spread so thin....

Maybe next year

Hello 9-1-1

Monday afternoon we were playing with our friend Evie in the backyard. Four 4-years olds and lots of fun. The kids were pretending to make food with sticks, leaves, flowers and various nuts berries. I was helping them gather the "goods". They made a beautiful spaghetti soup and we called it a day so I could go in and make a real dinner. The kids were watching television quietly and then I hear Mack say "help me, help me". Not being a mom that jumps to the worst conclusion automatically, I calmly picked him up and started talking to him. He then started shaking and turning blue and was really warm. He said his tummy hurt and after asking, I discovered that he had been eating the flowers and berries that I specifically told them NOT TO EAT! THEN I panicked and called 9-1-1. The paramedics came and the neighbors came running over. Needless to say, all is well now and we don't know exactly what happened because the paramedics said he would need to ingest a large amount of berries to get really sick...maybe it was the pecans...and he never threw up. I slept (didn't sleep) with Mack that night and just made sure he was breathing every few minutes. Our first 9-1-1 call and hopefully our last.

The Famous Spaghetti Soup

Hello Lover

I'm in love!! And no, Shelly, Kat and Coleen, not with Robert Pattinson! And not with Edgar Allan Poe pictured below...even though he has that mysterious tortured soul thing going on that I always liked.

I am in love with my very own sweet Kindle. Little did I know when he/she/it arrived in my mailbox as a birthday gift from my sis, bro, mom, etal, that I would be so smitten and that we would become so close. I long for the times when it is completely quiet and Kindle can rest in my hands sending me pieces of shocking, funny, sad, dramatic literature...we laugh and we cry. I am even thinking all the holiday travel will not be so bad now because I have Kindle. I can read while Abe drives and if I finish a book...I can just download another!!!! As an added bonus there are even some of the classics that you can get for free!!!! Free I tell you!! I have even purchased the cutes reversible orange/blue case and light. All is right with the world when I am with my Kindle.

So, if there is someone you really love, get them a Kindle for Christmas...unless you get jealous ;)

Muck and Mire

I think I'm finally coming out of my funk...at least let's hope so for my husband's sake. I can't really explain why, but I tend to get a little out of sorts as the holidays approach. I become overwhelmed with all the activities and expectations...mine and others. My routine is messed up. I can never find the perfect gifts. I always spend too much money. There is a lot of packing and unpacking as we travel about. I miss my dad. We are considering scooters for Mack and Sophia for Christmas, but what about Grace. It all just culminates in one big pile of funk. Abe just doesn't understand..."we have so much to be thankful for"..."we are so blessed" he continues to remind me. YES I KNOW!!! I know that we are very blessed but let me work through my funk. It's the only way, just let me deal with it.

In the midst of all my mire, my kids continue to grow and amaze me. They continue to love me unconditionally while I feel at my most unloveable. They are so excited about Christmas and everything it brings...Jesus, Santa, lights, cookies and of course, presents. Grace continues to get stronger everyday even though I am quite lax on her exercise routine. She is currently standing 20 seconds unassisted!! Here she is standing with a little help from the sofa. Thank you God for the blessings....I'm starting to see the light.

I Know It's Early But...

we decorated our Christmas tree tonight. Typically, I need to eat some turkey before I can even think about it, but we are going to be in Oklahoma next weekend and we were feeling "the spirit". As is the tradition, Kat Kat was there and Abe made hot chocolate (even though it was 70 degrees today). We pulled out the Santa hats that are now too small and all the books about Jesus' birth. The kids were so excited and I could barely contain them. We learned what the word "fragile" means and only broke one ornament (actually I did it) as opposed to four that Mack broke last year. The trio are all so proud of their work and even though there is a heavy concentration of ornaments on the bottom of the tree, it is perfect!

It's All About the Potty

At one time, I had thought that Grace would be the first of the triplets to be potty trained. About a year ago, she was telling us when she needed to potty and we were well on our way to completing the Tinkle fairy chart.

Well, it is a year later, Grace is 4 and is not potty trained. We have tried everything. Sticker charts, rewards, the threat of wearing diapers to college...we have even tried to shame her by continually repeating..,"You are the only one in your class still in diapers and you may be kicked out of pre-school".

I have thought at times that maybe she is hindered by the cp...maybe she doesn't really know when she needs to use the bathroom, but I'm not sure I believe that. Why would she tell us sometimes and others not. I honestly think that she is fine with the way things are and doesn't mind using the toilet when she just "feels like it".

We now have the cool toilet seat with the toddler seat built it!! Since Grace is now able to sit up on her own, we purchased this in hopes that she would be able to sit on the smaller seat on the big potty and no longer have to use the "baby potty". It's a hit...she loves sitting on the "white potty" and is even now using it properly (and not just a place to read :) She also likes that she has easy access to the toilet paper, because you can never use too much. Wish us luck...we may be on our way to being totally diaper free!!!!

Well, I love YOU!

Although Grace isn't moving around like a typical 4 year old, she is developing some of the typical avoidance tactics when it comes to doing what mommy wants her to do. Her exercises at home have become quite the battle. I have had to become really creative in motivating her to walk, stand, kneel with high knees, etc. She thinks it is so funny to tell me "No!" and then assure me that "I don't love you." Ouch!!! That hurts!! Does she really not love me? Where does that come from??? Where did she learn to say that? Does she resent that I "make" her do therapies and exercises? Will she blame me for everything?

Grace, no matter what...I love YOU and I always will.

Grace and her beloved NiNi

School Pics